Side 2, Track 1: Attention All Planets of the Solar Federation!

[Bluehorse]

Alice

In tank, "Gurgle gurgle"

The Big O (11) [3d6]=8

At the last minute. Alice? Burse-Bot Lady, Ma'am? Maybe is better we share the tube? Keep each other warm and not so much with the lonely making?

[Rex]

Alice

Alice seems still unresponsive as she floats in the tank.

[jemmus]

Janx was getting overexcited. "No. No. No, no, no, hang on man, relax, don't do it!" He almost made it but.... No, he did it. He wonders about the logistics of getting a change on underwear on Magnifiku. Like, right now.

Int 11 [3d6]=12

Well, now Grog can finally take Save vs. Orgasm off of his bucket list. Somehow I knew the dice gods weren't going to be kind to Janx on this one.

Agreed, this would make a good Heavy Metal story. It's good the right feel for it. Off topic, but not long ago I read through a Heavy Metal series called Tex Arcana. Recommended, if you're into that kind of stuff. http://www.texarcana.com/

[OGRE MAGE]

Mel tries to prove his resilience to such pleasures of the flesh in front of the queen, being the unofficial stud of the band and all, though he is barely holding it together as he watches it all play out.

Int (12) [3d6]=10

He clears his throat quietly. "Is there anything else we......or I could help you with, your majesty? I am a fully functional human, after all."

[Grognardsw]

Janx found the Queen’s vagina solo in g-spot major a joyous piece, especially the climax. His TPK bandmates held firm, ending high but dry.

The Queen’s music concluded, she said: “Thank you TPK of Earth. Mel, you have done enough in surviving to give me this gift. Go, partake of our healing and hospitality. Should you see Duke Phalron, give him my thanks and warmest regards.”

The Bacta tanks worked wonders on Alice and the wounded musicians. The next morning, the band was in full health. The reality of that long yesterday had settled into each band member, who each dealt with the death of their friend and bandmate Derek in their own way. (Tell us, how do you each react?)

“I think it’s time to get back to Gedalexnel in the Rosinante,” said Jimmy. The band manager had been quiet, his guilt heavy over the death of Derek. He had been the one to find the keyboardist. “He was a regular at the arcade I was managing at the time, a real wizard on the pinball machine. We got to talking, and I found out he played keyboards.” Jimmy wiped his eyes. “If only I hadn’t brought him in.” Hi shoulders slumped. “If only…”

[OGRE MAGE]

Until seeing Jimmy in pain, Mel hadn't really put much thought into the death of one of his bandmates. This whole adventure they were on seemed like nothing more than a dream to him, and he was never very close with the keyboardist anyway. Despite his lack of emotion over their loss, he still tries to help out their grieving manager.

Mel, always the practical one, steps in.

"Jimmy......Jimmy! Look around you man. If we have the means to to do all this weird shit around here, they must have some way to bring The Wizard back, right?" Right?"

If there really is no way to revive their dead friend in this future world, Mel suggests his next idea.

"Again, don't worry about it. We can just have Geddy spin us back to a time when Derrek was still around, and warn him this time.....before.......you know."

"That should work everyone, right?"

[Rex]

Alice

"Maybe, worth trying anyways."

[jemmus]

Janxhad played the hard-driving "THAC0" as his eulogy for Derek. Derek's keys work on that one had always been some of his best. The tribute and salute to the fallen major head helped Janx turn the page a little. He's bummed out for sure, and the puddle in his jeans doesn't help his mood out much either. But he figures Derek wouldn't want people moping around over him, and he probably wouldn't mope around too long either. He was a good guy, but he wasn't the kind of guy who'd show a lot of sentimental stuff.

Hmm Mel, maybe that could work. But would that mean that we'd just cruise along on the same course and repeat the battle with the Menudolorians?
And the same thing would happen again? He has a profound thought, and he hasn't even smoked an doobage yet. What if... what if... what if....
What if we already did that? Like, we fought the fight with the Menudolorians, Derek got... deceased, and we went back into the past to save him... but we came back to the same situation again? He has another profound thought. What if we've been doing that over and over forever? We get to this point and we decide to go back the past. And we completely don't get that we've already done this a lot of times before. I can totally see TPK doing that. He gets a horrified look on his face, as much as his laid-back slacker face can. Like he's just seen a really good, trippy episode of "Night Gallery."

[Grognardsw]

Mel tried to console Jimmy and talk turned to the paradoxes of time travel. Could Derek be brought back by reliving history and altering the outcome, or was the whizzard’s death inevitable?

Janx blew everyone’s mind with the possibility that they have already been through this day, possibly over and over again.

Alice was quiet, getting adjusted to her healed body. Hooter grieved in his own Dutch way.

“Maybe Gedalexnel knows,” said Jimmy. He seemed a little better after the band’s encouragement. “It’s hard to believe for a place like this, but I think I’ve had enough. It’s time to get back to the Rosinante.”

The band caught some sleep at the palace and returned to the spaceport the next day. The scout ship blasted off. They looked back on the giant breast of a planet, its massive nipple of a mountain breaking through the clouds.

---

Musical Inspiration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQtha5aHUO8

---

As TPK returned to the Rosinante, they found Gedalexnel playing an acoustic guitar and singing...

"Keep your 'lectric eye on me, babe
Put your ray gun to my head
Press your space face close to mine, love
Freak out in a moonage daydream, oh yeah!

Don't fake it baby, lay the real thing on me
The church of man, love
Is such a holy place to be
Make me baby, make me know you really care
Make me jump into the air."

"Oh, you're back," said Gealexnel. "How was the trip?"

[jemmus]

Janx replies, Well, on the downside, some p-funksters tried to kidnap us, but I don't remember if that was before or after we last saw you. Then we got lost in the pleasure planet's palace for a long time. And Derek got killed by Menudolorians. Alice and Hooter got banged up pretty good too. Oh yeah, and nobody got laid. Not even Mel.

On the upside, we scored some really good grass on the pleasure planet. They had a great selection, it was a Sears toy department for weed. And we played a really jamming gig, and Hooter defeated this insect (I think, I kind of don't remember) accordion player guy and became the Master Accordionist of the Universe. Or galaxy. And we got to meet the queen, who is the foxiest, hottest babe in the universe. And she played that weird instrument you gave us for everybody. In regard to the last part, he again kicks himself as a dumbass for not bringing along his mom's Instamatic camera.

[Rex]

Alice

"Yeah, what Janx said. And nearly dying hurt really really bad."

[OGRE MAGE]

Mel nods along with the story, cringing at the fact that none of them got laid at a place called the pleasure planet.

"Well, at least I didn't come all by myself back there," is his wittiest retort.

"So, Gedalexnel......how hard is it to bring folks back in this world? We lost our keyboardist. Any way to get him back to us through, T*I*M*E*?"

[Grognardsw]

Gedalexnel listened with interest to TPK's adventures on Magnifiku.

“The Parliament of Funk?” said Gedalexnel with concern. “That bodes ill. They work for the Solarians. That means they are aware of TPKs arrival in the Temporal Struggle. Things will get much more dangerous.”

“I am sorry for your loss of Derek. The Whizzard was a good man. That you prevailed against the Menudoloreans shows our faith in TPK was well placed. Those are renown bounty hunters that you beat.”

Gedalexnel answered Mel: "Unfortunately, time doesn't work like that. While theoretically we can go back in time to when Derek was alive, say your native 1976, ultimately you all follow the track of Fate and he will die. I hesitate to mention multi-verses, which are even more confusing, but suffice it to say that an alternate version of Derek would not be the one you know, and would deprive him of his own life in his own true place. I am really sorry."

TPK were disappointed at this news. Wasn't there some way to bring back Derek? (Everyone make a 4d6 Int. check or think hard about the things Gedalexnel has done since meeting you all )

“Mel, you brought forth ░T░h░e░ ░V░o░i░c░e░ again?” Perhaps Mel remembered his first attempt that resulted in him levitating. “You have the talent, now you must open your mind to the possibilities! Where others merely speak, you sing; where others only see, you observe; they hear, but you listen. Feel the rhythm of the universe, be one with it, give it ░V░o░i░c░e░!”

Gedalexnel lit a joint, inhaled, puffed, offered it.

“I know that sounds like New Age bullshit, but give it a try. All of you. Really.” Exhale.

[Grognardsw]

Gedalexnel inhaled and expanded into a being of light, the true form of this time-and-space traveling alien.

“TPK, you have served the cause of justice admirably. We of the Balance thank you and return you to your natural timeline.”

Rosinante flashed and the band found themselves in Kenmore Square, Boston, at night. The big Citgo sign shone.



According to the date on the Boston Globe newspaper box, it was only a few days after they had departed.

“Was that all a dream?” wondered Jimmy aloud. He took out of his pocket the communicator device Gedalexnel had given them. “No, no it wasn’t.”

Thanks guys that was one of the more interesting games I’ve played, for the change of pace and great role-playing by all. Rock on!

Epilogue

Where Are They Now?

Jimmy moved to San Francisco and partnered with a computer nerd to figure out the communicator. He and Steve went on to make millions with their company Banana Computers.

Derek’s semen sample (which each band member donated early on) was used by Gedalexnel to clone Derek. He continued the good Temporal fight.

Feel free to tell us where your character is now.

[jemmus]

Janx was happy to be back in Boston, 1976. And then it dawned on him—in Boston 1976, he was broke. And needed a starter for his 1967 Ford Fairlane. But at least he had his Future Axe, and TPK still had the bag from the pleasure planet. Here’s a rough chronology of the rest of his life, as best he or anyone else can remember it.

1976 – Got his job stacking toasters at Sears back. Continued guitar lessons with Chrissy’s son. Got a kiss on the cheek from her once.

1977 – TPK got Jimmy’s audio of the epic pleasure planet concert pressed onto vinyl. “Pinocchio Girl,” “Giant Fruit Slugs Riding Farmen,” and “THAC0” got some radio airplay. Unfortunately, it was only on local college radio.

1978 – TPK developed a small cult following around the Northeast. Commercial FM radio started playing some of their stuff and they got some notoriety. They released an album of new stuff that did pretty well. Then it got banned throughout the Middle East and the U.S. South because of the song “The Queen’s Wonderous Playing”'s highly suggestive lyrics. That's when the album really took off. Mostly in Japan.

1979 – 1983 – The glory years. The band grew in popularity, largely because people were sick of disco and there weren’t a lot of alternatives. They started playing bigger venues around the U.S. They even opened for Rush for a few concerts. Janx got laid a lot, but only with the second string groupies Mel rejected. They also got arrested for semi-unconsciously urinating in an airliner’s galley sink on a flight to Tokyo. Everybody made it to their 28th birthdays without joining the “27 Club” of deceased rockers. Even clone Derek.

1984 - TPK hit it big time with their "Farewell to Gedalexnel" album. Janx bought a Maserati and married an almost-but-not-quite-super model.

1985 – Janx got divorced, wrecked the Maserati, and checked into rehab. In that order.

1986 - 1988 – Nobody really knows. Especially Janx himself.

1989 – A cleaned-up Janx released a solo album. Critics said things like “Disappointing,” “The rhythm guitar work is solid, but after all these years, Wilkie still can’t solo worth a sh*t,” and “When are the former TPK guys going to stop going on and on about pleasure planets and time-travel and sci-fi fantasy themes?”

1990 – 1991 – Started losing his hair. Played session guitar around Boston and New York. Dated some women, but his heart and his bodily fluids still belonged to the queen of the pleasure planet. Nobody heard much about Janx, except for a little news story about him getting busted for possession of hashish in Bellmead, Texas.

1992 - Joined a Tibetan Buddhist temple in Boston. Renounced meat, alcohol, and trying to get sex. Fasted for two straight weeks subsisting only on a diet of water and a quarter ounce bag of Colombian buds. Renounced money and spent his remaining funds on hiring the famous Japanese New Age musician to produce a new solo album. The album got mixed reviews. A typical one read, "It seems that Wilkie can't decide where this one is going. It has a very tranquil, New Age feel that will calm the senses. And guide the listener into a place of calm, but alertly and focused-- mind, body, soul, and spirit-- contentment. But then the driving hard prog rock rhythm guitar sections start."

1993 – The TPK Reunion Tour. An agent of the Balance reformed the band to settle the Solarians’ hash once and for all. Which they did. Janx started hinting around that he wouldn’t mind joining the Balance too. As their rhythm guitar player, if nothing else.

1994 – Janx disappeared without a trace. Boston PD listed him as a missing person. All of the possessions in his house, some of which actually had some value. were intact and in place. Except for his bong, any cannabis at all, and the Future Axe.

[Bluehorse]

Hooter had trouble readjusting to being back in Boston, 1976. His bandmates hand to "manage him" a bit more than before their epic journey. He enjoyed their success as much as they did but it was Alice that found him in the back of the tour bus more than once before a show crying and lamenting about their knowledge the world was one day going to end and there was apparently nothing they could do about it.

1976 – Hooter was doing fine up until the 4th of July weekend at the Bi-Centenial... oh the show went great, Even Jimmy got laid that night, but Hooter got ahold of something in one of his drinks he wasn't at all ready for and disappeared for several hours until he was found by Mel about the time he was being arrested. Somehow he had wound up in the other end of the park wearing nothing but his alpine hat and a trashcan lid screaming at people about how the end was near and his accordion could shoot lazers. He was promptly checked into the psyche ward.

1977 – Hooter was doing better. Better living through modern chemestry seemed to suit him well. He recorded and toured with the band and seemed him old self for the most part. He had to give up drinking because of his medication and lost almost 90lbs and was in the best shape of his life.

1978 – '78 was a great year and Hooter loved Japan. Who knew that someone could find a way to wear lederhosen and a kimono at the same time? Hooter even found a girlfriend name Moriko and began their whirlwind romance. This is when he also got introduced to Japanese Mystism.

1979 – 1983 – The glory years. Hooter and Moriko were embarrassed by the incident with the airline sink, and apologized. Everyone celebrated their birthdays and the "old man" Hooter hit 35, 36, 37, 38, 39... and life was better than ever as they rode the wave of fame and success. Hooter made a few investments, some did well, some didn't. He always liked apples...

1984 - TPK hit it big time with their "Farewell to Gedalexnel" album. Hooter and Moriko bought a big house with their money up in the mountains of Colorado. Hooter hit 40, had a midlife crisis... relapse completely into drinking again which did not mix with his medications. Thankfully he was not on his bike at the time, but he had a heart attack while on a bender and was found at the base of the mountain wearing his skis and a toboggan and that was about it. Witnesses said he had been screaming about how the end was horses. They assumed later on he meant nigh, but got it confused with neigh... then thought about horses... and thankfully not many people have to try to speak Hooterese these days.

1985 – Hooter's wife pushed him into an intense rehab program back home in Japan. He got in trouble more than a few times while trying to explain his experiences back in 1976 with TPK until some of the locals began thinking he was speaking in symbolisms. Those people became the first followers of Hooter in his quasi spiritual group. For Hooter's part, he was too foggy from western and eastern drugs playing a war in his brain to understand what was happening, so he just spoke when Moriko told him to tell his stories again. She was apparently enjoying the attention and dedicated herself to manageing Hooter and his cult following.

1986 - 1988 – Hooter and Moriko became full blown cult evangelicals on TV in Tokyo, and half the people thought he was joking and watched if for the spectical and the other half was torn between thinking he was nuts or not caring at all. Hooterism developed a full following and even had a home shopping network further funded by donations and his Apple Computers stock.

1989 – Moriko left Hooter, ran off with all the money, the TV show was taken off the air when Hooter walked out onto a live program wearing only a bathrobe which he had forgotten to tie off. After serving a year in Japanese Jail, the on site doctor finally worked out the bad mix of chemicals he was taking and got him cleaned up and thinking straight for the first time in almost a decade. This was the inspiration for a single he put out the following year called "Unexpected Blessings" that sold enough copies for it to go aluminum.

1990 – 1991 – Hooter made his way one island to another back to the states until he landed in San Francisco after hitching a final ride on a fishing trawler. He spend a few months there playing a few solo gigs to earn enough money to buy a van and begin traveling back east. He looked up Janx and found he had just missed him in Texas and continued on to Boston trying to retrace his steps.

1992 - He was starting to feel his age, and frankly, mental fatigue from the last several years. He found himself sitting on a park bench one day when he saw a teenager wearing an old TPK tshirt. He pointed out that he was one of the people on the shirt and the kid didn't believe him. Worse yet, he couldn't even name three song by the group. Hooter spent a long time sitting there questioning things in his life and was staring up at the stars long before he realized it. He missed his friends.

1993 - The TPK Reunion Tour couldn't have happened at a better time for Hooter. He reveled in the feel of being on stage again and talked to everyone who would listen (and could understand him, years in Japan had only made understanding his english even harder.) Before long he was talking to people about movie deals, "The TPK Story!" "TPK the Musical on Broadway!" "TPK the Cereal!" Things were looking up! Then.........

1994-1999 – Janx disappeared without a trace. Hooter was beside himself and when the authorities for all intents and purposes "gave up", he jumped into his van and proclaimed loudly "I am going to Scooby Doo this Thing!" which turned into the name of his next book about his adventures all over American tracing questionable leads at best about Janx's wereabouts.

2000 - Y2K! Y2K! Y2K! He was sure this was it! He went full freak out mode. Yeah, he was one of those people. He had his van down by the river with a tinfoil hat and condom on (you can't be too careful) and waited for the end. Police found him passed out drunk wearing tinfoil all over and talking to a catfish. No one knows how he got the catfish.

2001-2007 - Hooter was starting to look old and feel old. A lot of people he know and even more that knew him were starting to die off and Hooter found himself with an odd revelation. He could flip the script. He began penning his autobiography and found a publisher that was interested. They were not sure what to publish it under. So they pushed it as a little bit of everything, Biography, Sci-Fi, New Age, Spirituality, Motivation, Tragedy, and Comedy. He wrote it over a year an a half, but he had 5 editors start and quit. You see, he wrote it in Dutch, English, Japanese, and for some reason Yiddish. The only problem is that it was all at once.

2008-2019 - Hooter was on a celebrity high like he had never had before. Much like Ozzy Osborn years before, he was somehow more famous as an old celebrity than a younger one. He had a short stent with a reality TV show but his real fame came later on the internet when he would do podcasts and reaction videos. He spoke with everybody and spouted his usual "nonsense" about how life on earth was finite and everyone should live their best life now before it was too late and everything was over. Modern audiences took it as wise words more than prophesizing as they had in the 80s.

2020 - Let's be honest. This year sucked for everyone. No Comment.

2021-2044 - Hooter became a true internet guru, running his online media empire from the comfort of his home studio. He sponsored young entrepreneurs and artists. He had never had any children of his own (that he knew of) and most of the people that worked under him affectionately called him "Pops" which he loved. He reached the ripe old age of 100 before finally passing away after doing his final podcast where he gave a tearful recollection about his friends in TPK and how much he looked forward to seeing them all again soon, then he went off on a tangent about how one of his only regrets was not kissing the space queen that day way back in the future. He went to bed for a nap after and slipped off never to wake again, Pinocchio Girl was playing on the old radio from his van he had saved as he drifted away.